I can't believe...

it SNOWED today. God damn this Minnesota weather. Couldn't I have just a few more days of fall?

Maybe I'm a poet, Maybe just a fool

You know what one of the simplistic joys of life is? walking crowded streets or school hallways while tuning out all noise other than the music of an ipod. Doesn't really matter the song. for me it changes everyday. Today it was One Love, Bob Marley. Depending on the song it really changes your perception of the goings on around you.

SO sorry about the lack of post. I have been so busy you would not believe. With the play, and homework and Halloween and everything else I hardly get any free time these days. But I'm not complaining. Theres nothing I like more than being busy. Remeber to keep up to date with thepainwillease.blogspot.com :) I'll see you soon!

Treachery

First in a while.

1) I really wish you could inspire any form of passion in people including myself.

2) I really REALLY wish you wouldn't.

3) I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I STRONGLY DISLIKE what you've become. It kills me. To see you like this. The one person I thought society wouldn't be able to touch and your a slave to it. It makes me sick and it makes me scared. Because if you couldn't make it what going to happen to me?

4) Wish you wouldn't cut me off like this. I still want to be friends but right now I can't tell how you feel.

5) Your a really good friend and I'm so glad to have you. It was awesome to get so deep with you. I have a feeling you'll be in my life for a while and honestly thats the first glimpse of security I've seen in years.

6)Honestly I'm pretty sure you can't begin to fathom what all this means to me.

7) To a few people: It's amazing the seperations that we all deal with. I can't believe the pain that is swallowed by EVERYONE as day after day we are cut off from those we love. Whether it's a new school, a few counties, a thousand miles, or a distance I can't even imagine. I miss you all. And the worst part? I know I'll never stop losing people. From birth to death it's a constant cycle of loss.

8) I'm glad I understand you better.

9) Open your eyes. Do you intentionally try to cause suffering??? I can't believe that of you. I won't.

10) I guess theres nothing left to say but acentral truth that I think you all should know: I'm so scared.

Kari: "The dress code people get mad a t me when I wear shorts so I've just stopped wearing pants altogether"

I love her:) DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE! Woot! Yeah we are cooler than you especially Mark for deciding he had an awesome idea for a porno and directing it backstage.... DURING A PRODUCTION. He rocks me with my socks off. And Sean with his hat dor all children, bunnies, and Rainbows:):):) So yeah they are my angels high on angel dust:) SLEEPOVER TOMORROW. I'm super duper excited.:) We be watchin hella movies!!! YEAH OBG......yn. I wish barrack would obama my mama!! Then I'd have a cool half black sister!!! So yeah anywho I'm really doing pretty well in highschool. It's fun and I like it. It's also alot easier to enjoy when I'm not as sick as this summer. For those of you who don't know I've been pretty sick for quite some time now. My blood is hella messed up and so are my lungs & heart. Now here is some news for all of you: I didn't tell you this at the time it happened cause I didn't want anyone to freak, but this summer I had some minor heart palpitations caused by an increased number of platelets in my blood. Now in english (cause honestly I barely even know what I just said) heart palpitations are irregularities in your heartbeat. My beat has always been irregular moving at "heartattack" speed when I excersise and slowing to a crawl when I'm at rest. Platelets are the things that make your blood clot. So basically my heart slowed way to far down because my blood was to thick. The heart is essentially a complex muscle and it wasn't strong enough to pump the blood at the right speed. So my brain didn't get enough blood and I passed out and had to be taken to the hospital. They gave me medicine that does weird things to my platlets. It makes them bounce around all over the place. on the days when my platlets are thined I'm always really hot and I bleed really easy. On the days when my platlets are thick I get VERY cold, especially my hands and feet, sometimes I shake uncontrollably sometimes my veins will pop out of my skin. That's bad. It hurts alot. But my body is starting to adjust to the medicine and the bad days are fewer and far between:) I'm alot better:) My cough is also alot better (it was caused by blodd in my lungs which only happens now and then on the really loe blood platlet days) So enough medical for the day. Sorry to bore you guys but whatevs. I LUVS YOU!

Hello Bloggy Blogerstein.

Whats up with YOU??? I'm pretty cool. REHERSAL is awesome. I loves it. Today Sean was wearing a trench coat. Cause he is cool. AND THE WKUK is on tonight. SO THAT'LL JUST BE A HOOT. But yeah no other real news. Continue to read thepainwillease.blogspot.com PWEASE!!! *makes cute pleading face* but yeah goodbye I'm off to make myself an ice cream-hotfudge-brownie sunday!!!! YOUR JEALOUS bahahahahaha.

ch ch Whats up doc?

So Thursday was boring so we are not going to talk about it:). Friday was the freshman retreat. that was... well honestly it was mostly just boring. The campfire and sing-a-longs and lunch were awesome but other than that..... Anywho then it was the game. Fairly exciting. I punched someone in the gut. He had it coming:) and I almost was murdered (weirdly the two incedents were uncorrelated.) Then much too soon and yet not soon enough it was 7:30am saturday morning and I was drinking three cups of coffee and hanging out with the cast. Mark was being funny. I delivered the DCFC CD to Kari and we talked. She is cool:) And apparently Sean and I are moving to siberia together.:) We made a giant communal bed back stage and there was a fair amount of sex going on. xD Jk. It was fun though. And then that nightwas the drive in movie. Me tash Jazzy and ashley hung out. Then Alex arrived and we went and talked to Jostyn and Sarah and Halle. Who isn't a bitch anymore. SUPRISE! But whatever. Then today alisha showed up at my house (that crazy stoner) and we mad special brownies and watched Monty Python and the holy grail. It was a barrel of laughs (not sarcastic) AND THEN FINALLY I relaxed and at any moment am going to be dragged off the computer by my earlobe. I ove the fall it is so freakin pretty.

Music equals love.

I would honestly die without music. I'm totally serious. I have five bands of the day EVERY SINGLE DAY. I love my ipod. like scary much. Some favs of right now:

Dashboard Confessional

Sufjan Stevens

Nirvana

The hollies

the shins

interpol

Kate Nash

The flaming lips

Death Cab for Cutie

THE BEATLES

John Lennon (solo)

Jimmy eat World

Keane

Lenka

Beethoven

MGMT

....

Just to name a few :)

Quick News and a Quizzle

K. So sorry I haven't blogged in a while. Been busy as fuck. Show opens in 13 rehersals. AHHH! okay now that thats over with.... I hate Velocity vs. Acceleration. IS PHYSICS LITERALLY TRYING TO KILL ME!! Ughzers. But whatevs.

Heres a Quiz. Alisha always chooses the best quizzes. I figure it'll be a good update.

How did you get one of your scars​?​

OMG I have so many. 

The one on my forehead = most asked about.

No I'm not harry potter It was when I was 9. There was some corner vs. my head one on one combat. Corner won.

How did you celeb​rate your last birth​day?​
With a party. Boring and predictable

How are you feeli​ng at this momen​t?​
Rushedfrustratedworriedexcitedhopefuldepressed

if that counts

How did your night​ go last night​?​
Awesome I made Tasia a giant novelty card with her and ringo. She loved it :)

How did you do in high schoo​l?​
So far? Mas o menos.

How did you get the shirt​ you'​re weari​ng?

Jacked it off my drugged up 17 year old brother. It still smells slightly of general illegal substances

How often​ do you see ur best frien​d?​
Honestly I'm not really sure if I have one. I'm not really sure of anything anymore.

How much money​ did you spend​ last month​?​
I have no idea but prob not too much.

How old do you want to be when you get marri​ed?​
Who says I get married? Marriage in any relationship should not be based on age but on love.

How old will you be at your next birth​day?​
15

NINE WHAT'​S:​

Your mothe​rs name?​
Lori

What did you do last weeke​nd?​
Went to YCTIWY cast party to watch the film. Went to xanders play. Went to mcdonalds. Party at Sydney's. 8 FULL HOURS OF DEGRASSI ON SUNDAY. There is something wrong with me.

What is the most impor​tant part of your life?​
Probably music. Friends are a very close second though. And then theres family.

What would​ you rathe​r be doing​?​
Alot of things. for instance. experiencing life. But that waits till after highschool.

What did you last cry over?​
I honestly don't know.

What alway​s makes​ you feel bette​r when you’r​e upset​?​
Nothing.

What’​s the most impor​tant thing​ you look for in a signi​fican​t other​?​
Hones​tly, I'm not really looking and I think anyone who is at 14 is silly. But what is there that matters save love?​

What are you worri​ed about​?​
So much. I'm not going to talk about it here. It gets tiring to have so many secrets. Secrets and lies. And no one to tell.

What did you have for break​fast?​
Corn pops:)

EIGHT​ HAVE YOU’S​:​

Have you ever liked​ someo​ne who had a girlf​riend​/​boyfr​iend?​
Of course. Who hasn't?

Have you ever had your heart​broke​n?​
Only once. it was enough.

Have you ever been out of the count​ry?​
No

Have you ever done somet​hing outra​geous​ly dumb?​
I live for those moments. The only moments we are truly free.

Have you ever been back stabb​ed by a frien​d?​​​​​​
Of cours​e.​


Have you ever had sex on the beach​?​

no

Have you ever dated​ some one young​er then you?
No not really.

Have you ever read an entir​e book in one day?
countless times. I love to read.

SEVEN​ WHO’S​:​

Who was the last perso​n you saw?
My father.

Who was the last perso​n you texte​d?​
Scott or Sarah.

Who was the last perso​ns you hungo​ut with?​
Tasia y Maddie

Who was the last perso​n to call you?
Tasia on my cell

Karli @ home

Who did you last hug?
Alisha

Who is the last perso​n who texte​d you?
Special K

Who was the last perso​n you said "i love you" to?
I can't remember.

SIX WHERE​’S:​

Where​ do you go to schoo​l?​
Mound​s View


Where​ is your favor​ite place​ to be?
Probably in my woods or under the stars. Anywhere Where I can't hear her voice anymore.

Where​ did you sleep​ last night​?​
The little twin size bed under the window that shows the star sprinkled sky in the back of the little yellow house on the curvy road in the quiet neighborhood where no one ever wakes up.

FIVE DO’S/​DOES:​

Do you like someo​ne right​ now?
No.

Do you think​ anyon​e likes​ you?
I know of someone yes.

Do you ever wish you were someo​ne else?​
Never. That I had a different life, a different situation maybe, but never a change in the core of my existence. maybe I'm just egotistical like that.

Do you know the muffi​n man?

I hate stupid questions.

Does the futur​e scare​ you?
Not as much as the past.

FOUR WHY’S​:​

Why did your paren​ts give you the name you have?​
Because peyote was the thing to do and somehow Landis Avery Aurora Borealis Stewart Kirchner sounded like a good idea.

Why are you doing​ this surve​y?​
Haven't done one in forever.

THREE​ IF’S:​

If you could​ have one super​ power​ what would​ it be??
I don't think I'd want one honestly but maybe speed.

If you could​ go back in time and chang​e one thing​ would​ you?
I'm pretty sure I don't want to fuck with that kind of stuff.

If u were stran​ded on a deser​ted islan​d & could​ bring​ 1 thing​ who would​you bring​?​
See the muffin man question. I'm pretty sure if I get stranded I won't be referencing this.

TWO WOULD​-​YOU-​EVER’​S:​

Would​ you ever get back toget​her with any of your ex’s if they asked​ you?
No

Would​ you ever shave​ your head to save someo​ne you love?​
In a heartbeat. Anyone who wouldn't needs to do some serious re-evaluating.

ONE LAST QUEST​ION

Are you happy​ with your life right​ now?
Have i ever been?

If I'm not back by midnight thirty call in the bulls...

Ok. So I love "You Can't Take It With You" and everyone who is in the cast. The show really is helping me deal with my own family issues. Which as you my know I've got just a few of :). So yeah. My life is actually pretty decent right no. Huh. I'm surprised. Ya I've been meeting a lot of new people, and met some really good friends. School is more of an escape then I ever thought would be possible. I spend almost eleven hours a day there, I gripe sometimes but I'm actually secretly pleased. It's so wonderful.  So for a rundown of today: Nothing eventful in first and second periods. then choir which is always awesome. Then I walk Alisha to class. She is awesome too. Then there is lunch with my NEW BUDDY ALEX. We are lesbian lovers and we are having a threesome with Nick the druggie tomorrow. And jostyn and sara and abby and laura. They are a fun fun lunch group. Then 4 & 5 periods with alex, then 6 weith lisha again. Oh and we had 3 firedrills today... it was a little excessive. But yeah... AND THEN PLAY PRACTICE!!!! BEST PART OF MY LIFE. so first we play acting games. And it is super funny. And mark was wearing womens clothing today:) not as bad as tuesday when we had a giant coffee stain COMPLETELY coverin his crotch, it was HILARIOUS. And sean has a picture of my brother in a man thong:( disturbing I know. And everyone else I LOVE YOU ALL. So anywho after that everyone who wasn't a lead (Landis and almost everyone else.) wasn't needed for like two hours. But hope was being anal retentive (jk I still love you) and wouldn't come to the hallway with me and alisha so we went with out her and had a KICKASSTIME. We met cool kids Jeffy Fransisco and Eric, and hung out with all our Drivers ed friends. Ryan is super annoying (but we still love him) and there were a pair of those drunk goggles and it was a party. The we went on stage. and then I went home. But yeah so thats pretty much whats goin on with me right now. I'm blogging short and frequent these days. I like it.

STAY AWAY FROM MY FUCKING CHOCLATE DONUTS

I need to be quick so I think I'll do a word for each of the 6 days that have passed sense my last post. Oh and please check out thepainwillease.blogspot.com for some super cool awesomeness.

Friday: Games

Saturday: Homecoming

Sunday: Mafia

Monday: Forgotten

Tuesday: Pastafarian

Wednesday: Alisha *rolls eyes*

There you go. More soon I hope.:) :) :)

P.S. Certain people need to stop being anal retentive.