Surrealism

I recently had a bit of a life changing experience and it really rattled me. Really. It's one of those things that even thinking about makes my eyebrows scrunch and makes me bite my lip. It so confounding. Sorry but I don't really feel comfortable enough to say anything more on here.

TREACHERY:

1. It's been almost a week. I'll never think of you the same way again. And I'll never understand Monday the 16th of February 2009. Maybe someday i'll be okay with that, maybe that's whats supposed to happen, the natural course of the universe.

2.I think I understand you now. More than anyone else ever has or will. And that simple fact frightens me.

3. Thanks for the effort. I'm just wondering how long it'll last.

Thats all. And now for two small rants that have been rattling around in my skull.

YOU NEED TO FUCKING GROW UP. Everyone. Seriously. I used to be afraid of growing up, mostly I thought it would take away my individuality. But being an adult has nothing to do with that. Being adult doesn't mean getting a job and getting serious and losing your dreams. Growing up means being mature and able to handle the world without going crazy, or pushing it off on other people. It means being atleast trying to be kind to everyone, even on your bad days. And honestly when I think about it neither of my parents are "grown up" nor my brother or any of my friends. And honestly, not to be conceited, but i'm probably farther down the path than any of them. Which makes me proud and isolated. Ironic that when you better yourself, you hurt your well-being. I am finally begining to understand why most of the human race chose to stay mindless sheep all through life. At least they have company.

I wonder sometimes if the stars fell one by one from the sky, if the sun exploded and the rivers foamed and if everything were made of precious jewels, if flowers grew on every flat surface and the world constantly smelled slightly of cookies. What then? Would everyone be as happy as I am that I still have life and would everyone out there experience as much beauty as I see when I open my eyes each morning? Would humanity thrive finally free from the bonds of darkness and depression or would we simply crumble under the weight of such magnifisance?

and finally my friend tasia said something very cool to me last friday to paraphrase:

Human existance is the existance of a bee. We work away quietly each in our little cells commanded by a power who just works in their own roomier cell. But if we try, really try, to break out and free ourselves, we can. And when we push and shove until finally the walls of our little prison crash and crumble around us the dust clears and we find we have accomplished nothing other than pissing of the bees in the surrounding living spaces and ruining our own home.

It doesn't mean i'm going to stop trying though.