I have something I need to say...

Right now the list of people that really care about me is pitifully short. And yeah its made me relapse into my depression. Nothing like the holidays to kill your spirits. I just have so much shit going on with my family right now, and it's left me really stressed out and I'm sorry if I've been mean or rude to anyone but I just can't take all this anymore. I try my fucking best and all i ever do is fail. It's just like everthing I do lets someone down and everything I say pisses someone off. And I just wish everyone could know how much I try, how eveything I do is premeditated to try and please people. And how crushed I am that it never works. I know that sometimes I'm a little to... direct with my opinions but that is WHO I AM. Please stop persecuting me for it. I just... dont' know what to say. I never claimed to be perfect. I am FULLY AWARE than I am a horrible person and DO NOT need the daily reminder from everyone. I know i can be: Hypocritical, a lier, a manipulator, an ass, a preacher, stubborn, mean, racist, stupid, presuptious, imposing, and all in all a HORRIBLE PERSON. please stop telling me about it! Last time I checked I was trying to be civil! I tried not to call names or get angry and what did it get me? A bunch of pissed of teenage girls and an ass full of insults. I am a buddhist, and peace, understanding, empathy, and karma are all very important concepts to me. Please don't question that maddie it really really hurts my feelings. I am ALWAYS trying for those things. Do I fuck up sometimes? Yeah I have basically fucked up EVERYTHING in my life, and quite a few other peoples apparrently. WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST BE NICE, TO EVERYONE?!?!?!?!?! All I ask for is a little kindness. I never knew it was such a bother.

Hope you all had a very Awesome holiday season and for school goers are enjoying break!

Updates and a treacherey

So my life has been relatively calm lately which scares me. With so much turmoil behind me I can't help but feel like it's the eye of the storm. It doesn't make me cautious though it only makes me more crazy to enjoy every minute of this. So yeah right now I'm living it up. Even though I hate christmas. All it represents is lies to me. Twisted huh? oh well. I had fun @ Alisha's b-day party. We parted like... well like we were considerably younger than we are. But all this time to think I've had lately is making me koo koo. So I'll probably doing more stuff like that soon. But for now I've got a Treachery and a poem to realive... my... tension. (lol love you ALEX)

Treacherey.

1. I do realize what you are doing for me and all I can say is THANK YOU. You have no idea how much I need you right now. Just don't think i don't appreciate it. And especially don't think I don't appreciate YOU.

2.I secretly cackle at your downfalls. We all have our flaws.

3.Don't push my buttons because with you I feel safe enough to push back.

4. I know I'm a horrible person, you don't have to remind me.

5. I am so very sorry.

6. I'm not sorry at all. And that makes me worried.

7. Grow up and get smart. Think about someone else for a change and make some sacrifices. We ALL have too and you are simply NOT an exception.

8. I really wish you didn't see me that way. I really wish everyone didn't see me that way. But they do and I am so sorry.

9. I really can't control myself around you. This is going to be a long brake.

10. You are truly a god send and just what I needed right now. I don't know what I'd do without the happiness you've brought me. I'm happy we are friends.

And the poem...

Ehh it's kinda crap:


Twinkle twinkle little star
keep up the lies
don't show who you are

Twinkle twinkle little star
don't stop for the fallen
keep fighting your war

Twinkle twinkle little star
don't face your problems
just run, and run far

Twinkle twinkle little star
I once was you
I've got the same scars

Twinkle twinkle little star
do you even remeber
who you were

Twinkle twinkle little star
the things you do aren't good
your so bizzare

Twinkle twinkle little star
do you see now
how wrong you are?

Hope you liked 'em cause I liked doing 'em :)

I LOVE...

The WKUK
Convo's with Xander & Alisha (never fails to brighten my day)
Candy Land
That 70's Show
Woody Allen
Lookbook
The cold
All my friends
Music in general
Old Dutch Potato chips

It makes you feel better when you list ten things you really love.

well it got me thinking...

SO I'm currently righting an Essay on "To Kill A Mockingbird" and it's showing me a lot about the current state of society. I mean it hasn't really got much better on the acceptance front since those days has it? It seems as if, maybe, these days we s a people are a little more ashamed of it, keep bigotry on the hush hush, and most people would say thats a step forward. But is it really? Now I'm no dummie, I'm OBVIOUSLY thankful (especially with our new president!!!) that racism seems to not factor so much into our goverment or serious things like murders anymore. But it is far from dead. Infact I would even venture to say that our lives are now more consumed by bigotry than ever before! We now not only seperate people by their place of origin or color of thein skin but by every minescule facet of their being! Modern society analyzes and judges everyone until the can be put into sub-group after sub-group until we are all really outcasts, categorized into alone-ness, and some how proud of it. Now don't geet me wrong I'm all about individuallity (i like to consider myself a very unique person) but is any of that really worth anything if we are, indeed, alone? So was it maybe better than when things were simpler? When society was not so analytically crazed? Maybe it was easier to be able to only have to get past one barrier of acceptance (skin color) than all these new walls we've put up for ourselves. Maybe?

I'm pretty sure...

that everyone knows life is hard and a few people in mine need to GET OVER THEMSELVES or get the hell out cause i'm done.

Twilight (the only such post)

Unless you live under a rock which is itself under a larger rock you know of the Twilight Books and the movie that has recently come out. I am not, infact, a "Twi-hard" and though I do THROGUHLY enjoy both the books AND the movie I am not insane. I did enjoy the movie enough to see it twice. Sure the acting got a little weak at parts and it veered from the book on a couple of things but that is the beauty of the series. It's not about those weakness's in the movie, or how stephenie meyer isn't a very good writer, or how the books themselves seem silly to outsiders. It is such a beautiful story of love that these things can't bring it down. So even though all us rational people know a vampire will never come along to sweep us off our feet, it keeps the hope of that things like love, chivalry, and true hapiness are still alive and well in these complicated times. It may not stand the test of time but for this generation of youth it is a much needed ray of light to cling to. That is my opinion. Done and Done.

Gone Stark Raving Mad!!!

I don't really know why my mind works the way it does. It's just... different. Idk.
So this play really opened up a whole new world of friends to me. I made so many:):):) And I got so many firsts that I'll never forget. Like:

-First car crash
-first party at a firehouse
-first TENACIOUS D ROCKOUT
-first time getting my back cracked
-first time singin milkshake as a duet with an 18 year old boy
-first time I felt TRULY happy in a long while

I guess I've realized something about depression. It has NOTHING to do with other people or the way they interact with you. It is entirely internal. Realizing this I think I'm at a healthier place. I've finnaly got past blaming everybody for my problem. I know some people see me as a good person and I hope one day too live up too that. I still have trouble with my life sometimes but ultimately I see a future and I think thats all that really matters. Lord knows I'm not cured but I made a step ehh?

OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!

twmp is back up in the 60's and OBAMA IS AHEAD 206-135!!! CROSS YOUR FINGERS!

I can't believe...

it SNOWED today. God damn this Minnesota weather. Couldn't I have just a few more days of fall?

Maybe I'm a poet, Maybe just a fool

You know what one of the simplistic joys of life is? walking crowded streets or school hallways while tuning out all noise other than the music of an ipod. Doesn't really matter the song. for me it changes everyday. Today it was One Love, Bob Marley. Depending on the song it really changes your perception of the goings on around you.

SO sorry about the lack of post. I have been so busy you would not believe. With the play, and homework and Halloween and everything else I hardly get any free time these days. But I'm not complaining. Theres nothing I like more than being busy. Remeber to keep up to date with thepainwillease.blogspot.com :) I'll see you soon!

Treachery

First in a while.

1) I really wish you could inspire any form of passion in people including myself.

2) I really REALLY wish you wouldn't.

3) I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I STRONGLY DISLIKE what you've become. It kills me. To see you like this. The one person I thought society wouldn't be able to touch and your a slave to it. It makes me sick and it makes me scared. Because if you couldn't make it what going to happen to me?

4) Wish you wouldn't cut me off like this. I still want to be friends but right now I can't tell how you feel.

5) Your a really good friend and I'm so glad to have you. It was awesome to get so deep with you. I have a feeling you'll be in my life for a while and honestly thats the first glimpse of security I've seen in years.

6)Honestly I'm pretty sure you can't begin to fathom what all this means to me.

7) To a few people: It's amazing the seperations that we all deal with. I can't believe the pain that is swallowed by EVERYONE as day after day we are cut off from those we love. Whether it's a new school, a few counties, a thousand miles, or a distance I can't even imagine. I miss you all. And the worst part? I know I'll never stop losing people. From birth to death it's a constant cycle of loss.

8) I'm glad I understand you better.

9) Open your eyes. Do you intentionally try to cause suffering??? I can't believe that of you. I won't.

10) I guess theres nothing left to say but acentral truth that I think you all should know: I'm so scared.

Kari: "The dress code people get mad a t me when I wear shorts so I've just stopped wearing pants altogether"

I love her:) DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE! Woot! Yeah we are cooler than you especially Mark for deciding he had an awesome idea for a porno and directing it backstage.... DURING A PRODUCTION. He rocks me with my socks off. And Sean with his hat dor all children, bunnies, and Rainbows:):):) So yeah they are my angels high on angel dust:) SLEEPOVER TOMORROW. I'm super duper excited.:) We be watchin hella movies!!! YEAH OBG......yn. I wish barrack would obama my mama!! Then I'd have a cool half black sister!!! So yeah anywho I'm really doing pretty well in highschool. It's fun and I like it. It's also alot easier to enjoy when I'm not as sick as this summer. For those of you who don't know I've been pretty sick for quite some time now. My blood is hella messed up and so are my lungs & heart. Now here is some news for all of you: I didn't tell you this at the time it happened cause I didn't want anyone to freak, but this summer I had some minor heart palpitations caused by an increased number of platelets in my blood. Now in english (cause honestly I barely even know what I just said) heart palpitations are irregularities in your heartbeat. My beat has always been irregular moving at "heartattack" speed when I excersise and slowing to a crawl when I'm at rest. Platelets are the things that make your blood clot. So basically my heart slowed way to far down because my blood was to thick. The heart is essentially a complex muscle and it wasn't strong enough to pump the blood at the right speed. So my brain didn't get enough blood and I passed out and had to be taken to the hospital. They gave me medicine that does weird things to my platlets. It makes them bounce around all over the place. on the days when my platlets are thined I'm always really hot and I bleed really easy. On the days when my platlets are thick I get VERY cold, especially my hands and feet, sometimes I shake uncontrollably sometimes my veins will pop out of my skin. That's bad. It hurts alot. But my body is starting to adjust to the medicine and the bad days are fewer and far between:) I'm alot better:) My cough is also alot better (it was caused by blodd in my lungs which only happens now and then on the really loe blood platlet days) So enough medical for the day. Sorry to bore you guys but whatevs. I LUVS YOU!

Hello Bloggy Blogerstein.

Whats up with YOU??? I'm pretty cool. REHERSAL is awesome. I loves it. Today Sean was wearing a trench coat. Cause he is cool. AND THE WKUK is on tonight. SO THAT'LL JUST BE A HOOT. But yeah no other real news. Continue to read thepainwillease.blogspot.com PWEASE!!! *makes cute pleading face* but yeah goodbye I'm off to make myself an ice cream-hotfudge-brownie sunday!!!! YOUR JEALOUS bahahahahaha.

ch ch Whats up doc?

So Thursday was boring so we are not going to talk about it:). Friday was the freshman retreat. that was... well honestly it was mostly just boring. The campfire and sing-a-longs and lunch were awesome but other than that..... Anywho then it was the game. Fairly exciting. I punched someone in the gut. He had it coming:) and I almost was murdered (weirdly the two incedents were uncorrelated.) Then much too soon and yet not soon enough it was 7:30am saturday morning and I was drinking three cups of coffee and hanging out with the cast. Mark was being funny. I delivered the DCFC CD to Kari and we talked. She is cool:) And apparently Sean and I are moving to siberia together.:) We made a giant communal bed back stage and there was a fair amount of sex going on. xD Jk. It was fun though. And then that nightwas the drive in movie. Me tash Jazzy and ashley hung out. Then Alex arrived and we went and talked to Jostyn and Sarah and Halle. Who isn't a bitch anymore. SUPRISE! But whatever. Then today alisha showed up at my house (that crazy stoner) and we mad special brownies and watched Monty Python and the holy grail. It was a barrel of laughs (not sarcastic) AND THEN FINALLY I relaxed and at any moment am going to be dragged off the computer by my earlobe. I ove the fall it is so freakin pretty.

Music equals love.

I would honestly die without music. I'm totally serious. I have five bands of the day EVERY SINGLE DAY. I love my ipod. like scary much. Some favs of right now:

Dashboard Confessional

Sufjan Stevens

Nirvana

The hollies

the shins

interpol

Kate Nash

The flaming lips

Death Cab for Cutie

THE BEATLES

John Lennon (solo)

Jimmy eat World

Keane

Lenka

Beethoven

MGMT

....

Just to name a few :)

Quick News and a Quizzle

K. So sorry I haven't blogged in a while. Been busy as fuck. Show opens in 13 rehersals. AHHH! okay now that thats over with.... I hate Velocity vs. Acceleration. IS PHYSICS LITERALLY TRYING TO KILL ME!! Ughzers. But whatevs.

Heres a Quiz. Alisha always chooses the best quizzes. I figure it'll be a good update.

How did you get one of your scars​?​

OMG I have so many. 

The one on my forehead = most asked about.

No I'm not harry potter It was when I was 9. There was some corner vs. my head one on one combat. Corner won.

How did you celeb​rate your last birth​day?​
With a party. Boring and predictable

How are you feeli​ng at this momen​t?​
Rushedfrustratedworriedexcitedhopefuldepressed

if that counts

How did your night​ go last night​?​
Awesome I made Tasia a giant novelty card with her and ringo. She loved it :)

How did you do in high schoo​l?​
So far? Mas o menos.

How did you get the shirt​ you'​re weari​ng?

Jacked it off my drugged up 17 year old brother. It still smells slightly of general illegal substances

How often​ do you see ur best frien​d?​
Honestly I'm not really sure if I have one. I'm not really sure of anything anymore.

How much money​ did you spend​ last month​?​
I have no idea but prob not too much.

How old do you want to be when you get marri​ed?​
Who says I get married? Marriage in any relationship should not be based on age but on love.

How old will you be at your next birth​day?​
15

NINE WHAT'​S:​

Your mothe​rs name?​
Lori

What did you do last weeke​nd?​
Went to YCTIWY cast party to watch the film. Went to xanders play. Went to mcdonalds. Party at Sydney's. 8 FULL HOURS OF DEGRASSI ON SUNDAY. There is something wrong with me.

What is the most impor​tant part of your life?​
Probably music. Friends are a very close second though. And then theres family.

What would​ you rathe​r be doing​?​
Alot of things. for instance. experiencing life. But that waits till after highschool.

What did you last cry over?​
I honestly don't know.

What alway​s makes​ you feel bette​r when you’r​e upset​?​
Nothing.

What’​s the most impor​tant thing​ you look for in a signi​fican​t other​?​
Hones​tly, I'm not really looking and I think anyone who is at 14 is silly. But what is there that matters save love?​

What are you worri​ed about​?​
So much. I'm not going to talk about it here. It gets tiring to have so many secrets. Secrets and lies. And no one to tell.

What did you have for break​fast?​
Corn pops:)

EIGHT​ HAVE YOU’S​:​

Have you ever liked​ someo​ne who had a girlf​riend​/​boyfr​iend?​
Of course. Who hasn't?

Have you ever had your heart​broke​n?​
Only once. it was enough.

Have you ever been out of the count​ry?​
No

Have you ever done somet​hing outra​geous​ly dumb?​
I live for those moments. The only moments we are truly free.

Have you ever been back stabb​ed by a frien​d?​​​​​​
Of cours​e.​


Have you ever had sex on the beach​?​

no

Have you ever dated​ some one young​er then you?
No not really.

Have you ever read an entir​e book in one day?
countless times. I love to read.

SEVEN​ WHO’S​:​

Who was the last perso​n you saw?
My father.

Who was the last perso​n you texte​d?​
Scott or Sarah.

Who was the last perso​ns you hungo​ut with?​
Tasia y Maddie

Who was the last perso​n to call you?
Tasia on my cell

Karli @ home

Who did you last hug?
Alisha

Who is the last perso​n who texte​d you?
Special K

Who was the last perso​n you said "i love you" to?
I can't remember.

SIX WHERE​’S:​

Where​ do you go to schoo​l?​
Mound​s View


Where​ is your favor​ite place​ to be?
Probably in my woods or under the stars. Anywhere Where I can't hear her voice anymore.

Where​ did you sleep​ last night​?​
The little twin size bed under the window that shows the star sprinkled sky in the back of the little yellow house on the curvy road in the quiet neighborhood where no one ever wakes up.

FIVE DO’S/​DOES:​

Do you like someo​ne right​ now?
No.

Do you think​ anyon​e likes​ you?
I know of someone yes.

Do you ever wish you were someo​ne else?​
Never. That I had a different life, a different situation maybe, but never a change in the core of my existence. maybe I'm just egotistical like that.

Do you know the muffi​n man?

I hate stupid questions.

Does the futur​e scare​ you?
Not as much as the past.

FOUR WHY’S​:​

Why did your paren​ts give you the name you have?​
Because peyote was the thing to do and somehow Landis Avery Aurora Borealis Stewart Kirchner sounded like a good idea.

Why are you doing​ this surve​y?​
Haven't done one in forever.

THREE​ IF’S:​

If you could​ have one super​ power​ what would​ it be??
I don't think I'd want one honestly but maybe speed.

If you could​ go back in time and chang​e one thing​ would​ you?
I'm pretty sure I don't want to fuck with that kind of stuff.

If u were stran​ded on a deser​ted islan​d & could​ bring​ 1 thing​ who would​you bring​?​
See the muffin man question. I'm pretty sure if I get stranded I won't be referencing this.

TWO WOULD​-​YOU-​EVER’​S:​

Would​ you ever get back toget​her with any of your ex’s if they asked​ you?
No

Would​ you ever shave​ your head to save someo​ne you love?​
In a heartbeat. Anyone who wouldn't needs to do some serious re-evaluating.

ONE LAST QUEST​ION

Are you happy​ with your life right​ now?
Have i ever been?

If I'm not back by midnight thirty call in the bulls...

Ok. So I love "You Can't Take It With You" and everyone who is in the cast. The show really is helping me deal with my own family issues. Which as you my know I've got just a few of :). So yeah. My life is actually pretty decent right no. Huh. I'm surprised. Ya I've been meeting a lot of new people, and met some really good friends. School is more of an escape then I ever thought would be possible. I spend almost eleven hours a day there, I gripe sometimes but I'm actually secretly pleased. It's so wonderful.  So for a rundown of today: Nothing eventful in first and second periods. then choir which is always awesome. Then I walk Alisha to class. She is awesome too. Then there is lunch with my NEW BUDDY ALEX. We are lesbian lovers and we are having a threesome with Nick the druggie tomorrow. And jostyn and sara and abby and laura. They are a fun fun lunch group. Then 4 & 5 periods with alex, then 6 weith lisha again. Oh and we had 3 firedrills today... it was a little excessive. But yeah... AND THEN PLAY PRACTICE!!!! BEST PART OF MY LIFE. so first we play acting games. And it is super funny. And mark was wearing womens clothing today:) not as bad as tuesday when we had a giant coffee stain COMPLETELY coverin his crotch, it was HILARIOUS. And sean has a picture of my brother in a man thong:( disturbing I know. And everyone else I LOVE YOU ALL. So anywho after that everyone who wasn't a lead (Landis and almost everyone else.) wasn't needed for like two hours. But hope was being anal retentive (jk I still love you) and wouldn't come to the hallway with me and alisha so we went with out her and had a KICKASSTIME. We met cool kids Jeffy Fransisco and Eric, and hung out with all our Drivers ed friends. Ryan is super annoying (but we still love him) and there were a pair of those drunk goggles and it was a party. The we went on stage. and then I went home. But yeah so thats pretty much whats goin on with me right now. I'm blogging short and frequent these days. I like it.

STAY AWAY FROM MY FUCKING CHOCLATE DONUTS

I need to be quick so I think I'll do a word for each of the 6 days that have passed sense my last post. Oh and please check out thepainwillease.blogspot.com for some super cool awesomeness.

Friday: Games

Saturday: Homecoming

Sunday: Mafia

Monday: Forgotten

Tuesday: Pastafarian

Wednesday: Alisha *rolls eyes*

There you go. More soon I hope.:) :) :)

P.S. Certain people need to stop being anal retentive. 

HIGH ON LOVE BROWNIES,THERES PEE IN THE BUSHES!

I am watching youtube videos:) I heart youtube<3 So apparently no one else writes poetry anymore. I hate you all. BURN IN HELL!!! Was that too harsh.... I think it was too harsh.... I have been watching way to much Woody Allen. If such a thing was possible. So busy this weekend!! Can't wait to see xanders play. Aren't you happy we're back to old Landis Randomness??? you know you are. Alisha and I ate love brownies (as in "theres a big bag of love in there") yesterday and then we ran around, got lost. got cold,(got milk? NO) found the icecream store, left the ice cream store, peed in the bushes, went back to the ice cream store and refused to leave until closing:) it was a fun filled day of excitement and adventure!!! Oh and as a last little bit of news for you guys, you should know tomorrow is national-hug-a-vegetarian-day. So I better be gettin hella hugs!!!  But yeah seriously show your appreciation for your neighborhood vegetarian for saving the world and give em your best bear hug!!! Maybe even through in a wet one I DON'T KNOW!!! Talk to you soon :) 

Meeting Tall and mysterious tomorrow.

Tasia is my one true love. lol JK!! But I do love her :). I have been talking to her for like an hour and thats awesome. I asked her if she had anything to say to you and she said "no. OH WAIT!.... no." We are talking about this guy that's going to aks me to homecoming but... we kinda have to meet first:) So we're prob hangin out at Ryan's and gonna make awkward conversation about the weather;) FUN! ummm no but anyways I'm actually a tiny bit excited for homecoming now. And not cause of the boy. Mostly.... cause of Olive Garden xD And my dress! It's black and super sexy!! But yeah My weekend is gonna be super busy. I've got rent, Homecoming, olive garden, stuff... ugh but yay!!! Wow I'm bipolar. But yeah sorry it's been a bit I loves you so much blogspot and I will try to blog more frequently and for longer BUT I just got a small role in the play "You can't take it with you" so I don't know how possible that will be. Anyways lots of Love Laughter and litchen!!!

The LHC is gonna create a black whole AND OBLITERATE THE WORLD!!!!!! O. MY. FING. GOD.

Look it up. It's super interesting. So I've got some sort of interview with an agent next weekend and their like flying in from chicago and it will probably not amount to anything but it's still kinda cool:) I'm more obsessed with my Ipod than ever. like suriouzzzzly it's creepy.  OH AND CHECK OUT SUFJAN STEVENS HE ROCKS ME WITH MY SOCKS OFF. So sara palin is a DUMBASS. just thought that should be out there. Cause I mean I know what the bush doctrine is and I'm 14!!! ZOMGZZZZ REALLY?!?!? Oh and I reeeally wanna go see Hamlet 2. But all my friends are broke. or busy. I need richer lazier friends XD 

P.S. I'LL WRENC YOU TOO PIECES IF YOU DON'T BLOG SOON XANDER AND ALISHA!!!

(hope is excluded from afore mentioned wrenching because she already blogged. YAY)

Hoping you'll call, I hate the fall.

It's amazing how a few events or words can change your perspective. I've decided to do a treachery. Please don't try to guess where you are on here. Thats the way misunderstandings happen and feelings get hurt. More than half are most likely about someone who won't even read this anyways. Just remember I love you all. 

1. I really wish you had a best friend. Maybe you'd leave me alone then.

2. Your the... freshest person I've met in a while. I see us becoming good friends.

3. Glad we made up :) (too two people who should know who they are)

4. Don't drift away. I need as many people who genuinely care about me as I can get. (also too two people)

5. Your such an attention whore. It's really unbecoming.

6. I'm glad your happy part of the time at least.

7. Yes I do appreciate it.

8. You break my heart over and over. But thats unconditional love for ya.

9. I know your social faux pas come from a place of pain, loneliness, and self hate, but, it's really annoying how shallow and self centered you are. Think about someone else for a change.

10. What we have is natural and it always will be. (also too two people)

Jostyn = AWESOME!!!

So can I say that I officially heart jostyn??? Cause I do:) He somehow effortlessly knows what to say to make me feel better. So yeah woot woot for jostyn!! Is it reall weird that my mom gets like SUPERINSANEOWOMAN hyper RIGHT before she goes to therapy. It 's like she's convincing (or trying) herself that she is happy and well and doesn't need it. And then right as she walks out the door it slips and shes psychodepressedcontrolfreakwoman again. Weird huh?

same me, new everything else

I love spring awakening!!! Just thought I should get that out there:) So topics of news on the landis front

-Caribou and how sexy it is

-March on the RNC

-I guess... school

Now that I have it all organized lets dive right in!!! So I had tons o' fun at Caribizzle!!!  Jena is pretty damn cool, Alisha is pretty damn weird, Jan's hair is pretty damn long, billy is pretty damn asshole-ish, peter is pretty damn funny, and Conor is pretty damn... well... Conor. That pretty much sums up my afternoon. Ok next on the Agenda the march on the RNC. IT WAS SO FREAKIN COOL!!! um yeah I got a whiff of pepper spray (so not cool mister storm trooper) which was painful. And I got cited. I don't really know what it means but it's not as bad as arrested so... yay? Yeah I got some sweet buttons, learned some sweet chants and kicked some serious republican ass!!! (figuratively, of course) GOBAMA '08! And finally school. It's been alright. I miss xander:(. But I met so pretty cool new people (ROCK ON) so that was great. Shout out to RACHEL! (woo woo) The classes are fairly boring but I'll live. I love choir. Jostyn dumped alisha for me lol. Jk.  All in all it is no better and no worse. I still kinda empty bout the whole thing. But I'm here and I suppose thats all I can ask for:)

***ATTENTION***

All my blog buddies better FREAKIN POST!!! or I will hunt you down... and... and... I got nothin'.  Still you better.

Same as what is on myspace

For once I feel I have some things to say that EVERYONE should hear. First of all, yes my blog was about Alisha and no I am not mad at her. Nor do I think you all should think she is a horrible person, I certainly don't. It's just that I needed to tell her those things. Before that relationship was poisonous for me. So honestly I feel relieved about the thing you said, Alisha. It sparked something in me that I have been smothering for FAR to long. As to the matter of us being friends again, I certainly hope it is possible. I am now completely ready for that eventuality, because the fact is that our first go didn't go so well. And the main point of this message is so that not only you but EVERYONE knows the reason for that. It had nothing to do with Alisha. It was my fault and I take full responsibility. I had an extremely hard childhood mostly because of my family and my religion. When I met Alisha it was a turning point for me. She was quirky and out there and perfect and I clung to her. I spent 4 years torturing myself, thinking that I wasn't good enough and then any day she would decide she was too good to be my friend and would drop me, it had happened to me before. I was jealous and anxious and depressed. And now I feel so good, so right. Not happy, exactly, but right. Because she said she didn't want to be my friend. And you know what happened? Absolutely nothing. The world kept spinning, my heart kept beating, and glory of glories I STILL HAD FRIENDS. People still inexplicably loved me. And I got down on my knees and kissed the ground and thanked my lucky stars. Because I think I'll get better now. And for that I am so grateful to you Alisha. You'll never know how grateful. The entire point of the blog was just to hear exactly what you said in your comment. That you hurt too. Because that right there told me we were equals. You were no better than me. You needed and loved me too. And that was all I needed to hear for the past for years. So as they say time heals all wounds. I really hope you will give me another chance to be your friend. Cause honestly in this day and age two girls like us need each other. So please everyone forget about this if you can. And please, Alisha, call me when your ready.

Said the raindrop to the seed...

So this is the most frequently I've posted in a long time. We'll see if I can keep it up. I'm skeptical. Anywho Iheard this song on youtube a few weeks ago and fell in love with it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AW-LgDx_Qk
It's pretty cool huh?? So what else to say... hmm... I'm going to valleyfair on saturday. I'm super psyched:) I've never been AND XANDER YOU SHOULD DEFINATELY COME!!!! It will be soo fun! Umm yeah so do it or suffer my awful wrath. But not really:) And I may have an audition for juliet. As in Romeo and Juliet. So super excited about that too. And therapy tomorrow. so I can't do anything in late afternoon/evening. Yep. Still living it up bohemian. Who ever said a hippie couldn't have problems or be off an on depressed??? Cause whoever it was I'll get Tasia too sucker (NOT soccer) punch you in the gut. Or maybe the crotch. It shall depend on my mood. Oh that reminds me Tasia : if you see this before I call you I've got a copy of "Something smells rotten in Denmark" for you. I read through it it's pretty hilarious. And I think it should be the final project in the movie. The one that gets us A's:) It totally could. Anywho I guess this is going to be a short blog. Cause I don't have anything else to say:/ Ahh well as Alisha would say Ta!

Oh an P.S. you don't own the words "bomb shit" tyler I will use then whenever I damnwell please.

P.P.S I do realize that you will have to pass along that message Alisha:)

Finally a POST!

This thing is way better than a diary. on a million different levels. But yeah so news flash: LANDIS'S LIFE=SOME CRAZY SHIT!!! Definitely tomorrows headline:) So yeah a lot has been going on lately. A buncha cruncha family issues. My family should win a prize for being the most pathetic. Or we should at least be in the Guinness  World Records book. We totally deserve something. Anyway it's been really stressful lately and I have only told a couple people about all of it. I just don't really want everyone to know yet. It's really complicated and not something even I can't joke about. Except for with Alisha, but that's only because we are in similar boats and are completely insane:) I think the hardest thing about depression is you deal with it alone. No matter how many people you have supporting you, no matter how many therapists you have on speed dial, no matter how many facilities you go to or drugs you take it all comes down to you. Your in it alone, no one can help and you've got to fight the battle of your life, with yourself. I don't know how many people really go through it. I know a lot of people say they have but if you have ever faced, or are facing depression you can tell the real ones from the whiners. Not that their problems aren't problems just that they are on an entirely different plane. And don't think I'm being all self-important either, my shit could be a hell of a lot worse. Atleast I've got things that keep me goin'. Alisha, Hope, and Judy, my father, Xander and Tasia, acting, I've got life support I guess you could say:)

Incessant ramblings

I tell you I'm alive

but I'm cold as death inside

Always with the lies

there poison

I see that now

or maybe I always knew

knew what i'd become

I've got no desire left

no happiness 

no strength

yet every time I open my mouth

you believe 

you all believe

i can't stand it

and yet it is withstood

I am wired to survive

and that kinda sucks

but of course that makes no sense

to anyone but me

I need someone to know what I know 

feel what I feel

see what I see

and there is no one 

and as if that weren't enough

my mouth WILL NOT speak the words!

a few choice words

thats all i need

a few choice words....

words that will not COME!

so maybe it is not a need 

no but a hope

or the shadow of one.

HA 

now I speak of shadows

hmm this truly is a ramble.

And yet I doubt anyone will see this

and if they did 

would they care

it must seem senseless

insane even

but theres more in me

so much more 

so much I CAN NOT 

possibly right it down

maybe I am high maintenance

interesting thought

but back to the issue

or one of them I should say

there are too many

it.... it confounds me 

that I cannot speak the words

and with all the words I have too choose from!!!

Maybe the problem is...

humanity.

yes I quite like the sound of that

humanity

Yes thats right

IT'S YOUR FAULT NOW!

hmm I think I've lost

(as if I hadn't already)

What I meant by that little tirade was

that humanity sits heavily on my shoulders

Everyone has always told me

what a great gift it was;

my empathy 

But they were all wrong

brutally wrong

Wrong wrong  WRONG!

no one can understand

no one I know atleast

It just hurts SO FUCKING BAD

like I won't ever be good enough

to protect it all

yet I suffer when the world suffers

Its all kind of complicated

I wouldn't expect a SANE person

to understand

But then again how sane are any of us??? 

Fuck.

Xander and Landis's big adventure!

L: Xander posted that. we are in Mr.Walsh's PLTW class and I'm about to tickle xander.

X: It tickles
But its' true, Xander does rock, and this is DEFINTLY LANDIS TALKING

L: Ya right...... so anywho. ummmmmmmmmm. PEACHES! yup... we're a bit high and it's the second to last day of school and xander is going to write a story. YAY!


X: It'll win an Oscar

L: stories don't win oscars! It'll win like the pulitzer or something

X: That sounds like the name of an STD

L: ewwwww.... Alisha probably has it:) JK

X: I wonder if Maud Hart Lovelace was named that because she wore lacey underwear

L: umm your weird. this convo is over we have to go to our last period of reading with rousinn ever!!! Sadness:(

X: Oh No! Dr. Takeovertheworld is trying to take over the world! I must thwart him!
Bye.

L:toodles

xander rocks

sorry it's short

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days been so busy with school and one of my friends is moving so we gunna have a kick ass party!! yeah so umm hang in there it'll all be over soon and than I have a 1 week break and then I'm off to mcalester!!! can't wait to see u megz! so yeah I'll post again when I have more time:) byeeeeee!

New stuff

I should really be studying for finals right now or ummmm doing homework yet here I am! So I realized I never told you about my adventures in the sewers! Now before you go all icky poo on me the weren't the human waste sewers the were just like water drainage sewers, but they were still FREAKIN sweet! Me my BFF's Jostyn xander & squeesha  and we explored the underground of our city!!!! it was sooo fun I will put up pics a soon as I get them:) but yeah ummm we're cooler than you:)  Soo any 1 know any could auditions in my area? i'm loooking for a good play for this summer incase I don't get the part in the Movie I want. Which would be sadifying:( But the coen bros a re def filming it here!!! YAY!!! in St. Louis Park!!!! SEX ON ICE BABYYYYY! so yeah i'm super  excited for those auditions! As soon as my "manager" gets me it:)  Oh incase you didn't know my dad manages me:) I love it cause he takes a productive role in my career while still being my father. He's been doing it since I was 6 and played in oliver,  and he does everything like buying me "an Actor prepares" An reminding me to do my Yoga and Meditate. I don't know what I'd do without him:) so yeah I guess I'll catch yall on the flip side! PEACE ON EARTH AND GOODWILL TO MEN!!!!!!(AND WOMEN!) 

Storm

Beauty is impossible to define. 

SORRY SORRY SSSSSOOOOORRRRRRY!

For the neglect. I realize it's been 2 months since I posted. 2! that's just insane so sorry again:( I was so busy with CATS and trying to keep my grades up and social shit that I completely neglected you! I've missed you old friend!!!! Um yeah so the school year is winding down and I am excited for the summer and hippieness and everything but.... and this is a bit strange..... but there is no sense of the milestone that I am about to pass. It's strange but I feel as if I've already down all my growing. Like I'm... idk..... done. It's a bit lonely. I feel sometimes as if I am watching as my life plays out across the screen. Biteing my nails at the scary bits. Giving myself advice I know I'll never hear. Awed by it at moments but knowing it will pass all too quickly. It's not a disconected feeling just an....... out of control feeling. Like I wish I could rewind or pause but.... I've lost the remote.

RAAAAREOW!!!!!

ok all the promises in my last blog are down the drain cause I got in another play (CATS) so yeah I am SOOOOO excited:) The first full cast meeting is tomorrow:):):) oh and it's warming up in good ole min ee sooo ta! And by warming up I mean hovering aroun 45 degrees Farenheit. Still it's our spring break and all my friends are treating it like summer and we are all in shorts and dresses and flip flops so suck it:P oh and tommorow I am gonna see Horton Hears A Who!!!!! Although I don't know how I'll fit it in cause I get up at like 12 or 1 and I've gotta go out to dinner before the rehersal @ 6:30 And then it's every day after that. My bro is in San Fran right now and my GBF Jostyn is in New york (lucky bastards) but that's ok cause there is no place I'd rather be right now. I miss Alisha. Everything seems to be going right for me right now. Life is beautiful. Especially when your happy:) that's all for now. I'll try to blog again soon. Peace and Love.

Sorry it's been awhile...

You all have probably given up on me by now. Sorry. I've been.... distracted. Ugghh. I love my life:) I'm bipolar sometimes.... umm yeah I have a CATS audition tomorrow! YAY! so yeah wish me luck:):):) oh and RENT=DELICIOUS!
just thought you should know that. Oh and my cousin came out of her coma. She can't remeber much but it's starting to come back to her. So that's whats goin on with that. I'm sooo glad:) soo yeah I'm goin to din-din (dinner) so I'll update later. Stick by me, peeps, I promise I'll update more regularly. :):):)

To tired to think of a title

Practically to tired to even write. I was at the hospital all last night. My cousin has slipped into a coma. The doctors say she should come out of it in the next few days. I'm sorry I haven't really been blogging lately. I'm just so confused. Yes that's the right way to put it. Confused. All the thoughts tangled up in my head, the auditions, friends, family, secrets, other assorted dizzy-making things. UGHHH!!! My poems are geting weirder and weirder, but also better and better. everythings just so messed up. how can I be excpected to write about it if I can't even think about it!!! once again UGGGHHHH!!! I'll blog when my thoughts go back to being coherent.

LIfe keeps going on...

And it's time for me to pull my head out of my memories and start living in the moment again. I have a buncha crucha auditions coming up and I need to prepare a few monolouges and a few more performance songs, cause I'm goin for a couple musicals I think. OMG I love wicked. and coffee and We put up anti-Burberry posters today and it was coolio. and I love hippieness. And I love the new Anti war Poster I made. It says RED WHITE AND BLUE DIDN'T ALWAYS MEAN BLOOD BONES AND TEARS. (except more artisticly.) SO PLEASE END THIS WAR. I'll blog when I have more to say...

Finale B

Hey peeps sorry I've been neglecting the old bloggy blog lately but I was in performances for the musical Annie as Ms. Hannigan and life was a little busy. Anyway I have been on this computer for a LONG time but i'll totally blog more later. There are just two quick things I wanted to say.
First of all Thankyou to the entire annie cast and crew. you really touched my life and I love all of you. It was amazing at the cast party yesterday me, jostyn, xander and hope sang finale B from rent for the entire cast and there ewas like this giant group hug and it seriously felt like a movie. and also I joined a poem/writing blog created by my two friends and here is the link:
http://thepainwillease.blogspot.com/
so check it out.

More later I plomise:)

Flight of the Conchords!!!

Issues (think about it )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5tmnBeNv18

Hiphopopotamus vs. Rymenocerous
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FArZxLj6DLk

The Humans are Dead:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGoi1MSGu64

Watch it love ut laugh AND

COME ON SUCKER LICK MY BATTERY!!!

P.S. I'll write more later... I'm busy lately...

ACROSS THE UNIVERSE!

One more quick thing NASA sent a Song into space....The very first song ever. It's traveling millions of miles to the North star and will take up to 900 years. How is this possible you ask? It's sent in beam form so any being who crosses it will be able to hear the music. And you'll never guess what song it is ...................ACROSS THE UNIVERSE!

FED UP!

I'm completely fed up with my life right NOW!!! Seriously I wonder if everyones life is ad dramatic as mine. Cause I SERIOUSLY doubt it. Like seriously do you guys have to deal with love triangles (or like hexagons!), daily injurys, pervs murderous understudys, annoying cling ons, parties, tardies, balancing a CA-FREAKIN-REER with school and social, a self concious,pubicaly adored, best guyfriend, protest rallies, being a full time hippie (ok, that one I love), trying to nourish your writing, and trying NOT to die (trust me that's something I actually have to think about)! OH I wish had a river I could skate away on! more later I gotta go.

Flying

I wrote this awhile ago but forgot to post it's probably my Fav so far:) I know the end is a little bleak but oh well!

Flying

Cloud cover
Endless sky
No boundaries there
No walls up high

Oh the joy
That flying would be
Endless possibilities
Far as the eye could see

Freedom
What does it mean to you?
The wind in your hair?
Or the grass filled with dew?

A path
To walk down?
Or to only be lost
Until you are found

Flying
The freedom it would bring
A sun to rise
A bird to sing

Ah how I wish-
But, no, for now
I’m rooted by burdens
Held to the ground

Ropes that tie me
Binding my wings
Poisons that burn me
Bugs that sting

Someday I’ll escape
Someday I’ll be free
Someday I’ll fly again
Someday I’ll be me

But not now
Now there are deeds to be done
Things to be seen
My Journey has just begun

Still I long for escape
Into the sky
There is a way
A door in my mind

For if I am chained
to this small space
With no where to roam
In my mind there’s a place

A Space to fly
Room to wander
No more storms here
No lightning or thunder

A peaceful summer
A moment in time
Frozen forever
A corner in my mind

There is a skill
We all possess
It opens all doors
And gives us access

To a place filled with wonder
Without hate or fear
Filled with happiness and adventure
Where all questions are clear

It leaves you with youth
With your coming of age
A clean slate
A brand new page

But what’s left behind
What will we miss?
Do we trade money and power?
For childhood bliss?

Imagination
The world in your head
Lose that
And you’ll suffer till…

DEAD.

Treachery Treachery EVERYWHERE!

Here we go...

1. what happened to us? We used to be so close, the best of friends and now... what? I really want to hang out with you get back to that friendship thing but it's hard. I think I'm the one pushing you away and it hurts me but I don't know how to stop. I'm so so sorry. You can't know how sorry I am.

2. I really liked talking to you yesterday. It was nice that you actually cared. I really value your advice, more than I show and I love how you can be real with me. I love you.

3. Why can't you understand? Acting isn't just a hobby, it's my life!! No, I will not skip practice to go to coffee with you even if it's "just a school play". I got a lead. You didn't. Sorry. That doesn't mean i'm gonna shirk off my responsibilities.

4. There's something about you. You are always so arguementitive *spelling?* Just saying whatever to piss me off. We are friends but I don't think we'll ever be besties. Who knows though?

5. Your my rock thanks for always being there and being supportive. I think this is understood between us but I thought I'd mention it anyways.

6. You are a complicated person but you are very cool. I like you as a fellow artist, a friend, and sometimes as a kind of therapist. I won't leave you behind ever.

7. Please, for once, understand me. Help me do this so I can be happy. I might just die if you do "what's right" by you. It's my life when will you let me live it.

8. I don't get it! Have the time your so supportive and then, just like that, i turn around and your putting me down and stepping on my dreams. Get it straight or Fuck off.

9. Remeber me. Don't change into one of those dumb, blonde, makeup plastered, slutty stuck ups. Remeber the times we were free. Remeber not to care about what everyone else thinks. Take every peice of advice i gave you and remeber it. Or else who knows what will happen.

10. I don't have much else to right, atleast no more treacherys. But look out for a big blog comeing your way folks! I've got some things to vent...

Joni Mitchell, you are too cool.

I'm listening to California
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-q4foLKDlcE
but I also love All I Want and many other fantastic pieces by her. She is so inspiring she fills me with hope. I'm kinda pissed right now cause my imagination is being really cruel. It keeps righting masterpieces in my head and then NOT REMBERING THEM LATER!!! But anywho my writings is alittle choppy right now I keep rigting a few great verses or lines then not being able to finish. Grrr. But I am almost done with my second full length song (the first one was crap) and I'm actually pretty proud of it. I can hear the vocal tune in my head and maybe I'll get my dad to help with some simple guitar cords I can play with it. That would be loverly. Oh and in other news I did a workshop this weekend called the Young Americans (you may have heard of them) it was such a great experience I met alot of great talented role models and it just futered my inspiration to perform. This is my personal philosophy:

I think we should all strive to change the world. I believe the best way to go about this is to share your story with others, really tare down your boundries and bare your soul, and maybe,just maybe people will listen. And maybe, just maybe they'll be effected and when thhat starts to happen that's when you change the world.

And this is my fav quote of mine:
When we stop looking for peace and hapiness we stop living.

So I'm going to go and try to finish a few poems(hopefully) and then try and sleep (doubtful) so yeah

PEACE OUT!

On My Own

On My Own

Clinging to Life
begging for death
he whispered me something
on his last sweet breath

And in his words
I heard the sound
That rattles reality
shaking the ground

The words he spoke
so much they meant
gave me a mission
cause his time was spent

At that cross roads
he showed me the way
quietly dieing
Still were he lay

His suffering ended
his journey done
taken from me
I'm on my own

I would love some hubba bubba thank you...

I haven't blogged in so long! Okay it's been more like less than two weeks but still... Anywho soo much has happened! I signed up for YA (Young Americans) about a month after registration was due... umm yeah that kinda thing happens alot... I've become obsessed with the singing the songs "On My Own" "Memory" and "My Favorite Things". I've barely scraped threw another semester of science. My mom has started to work from home part time and I fear pretty soon she'll stop leaving the house. Then again she is has been acting kinda normal the past few days so who knows maybe she's getting better. I've been basically living at my school the past two weeks, since I got the part in Annie.Literally from 7:20 am to 5:20pm. But i'm enjoying it alot. I've set the wheels in motion at my school to cut out the dissection program. I've escaped from getting three detentions and two groundings. I've joined PETA. And I've lost some wait (and it wasn't like I was fat before) and my mom's freaking out and is trying to force me to eat meat. She says if I'm anemic (a disease in which your iron levels are low a common sideffect from vegitarianism/veganism) i'm gonna have to eat meat, but there is no FREAKIN way! Oh and I got a buncha cruncha stuff from the PETA2 online store, T-shirts, buttons, the whole deal. You guys should check it out! But yeah and umm... I'm bored! Only 1 more day till YA though! YAY! But yeah I'll right later if I feel like it... Oh and Alisha? BLOG! Or email me or someting! So yeah hubba bubba bye:)

Daisy's, Yellow Converse, the Sun, and Erin

How do you like my photography? I love the look of these pictures side by side cause I think I took them exactly 6 months apart and in good old MN there is quite a difference between December and June. And just you know the snow heart wasn't altered in any way. Me and Erin just stumbled upon it... quite literally actually. Which reminds me of one of the original points of this blog... I MISS YOU ERIN!!!!!!!! Just had to say that. Anywho I also would like to speak of my new babies!!! No I didnot get preggers over the weekend!!! I got lemon yellow converse hightops and they are my pressious and I love them. But yeah and now when Alisha, Xander, Hope and I all wear our shoes it looks amazing. Cause of my yellow ones and Hope's pink ones, and Xander has red ones and Alisha black but they switch(sortta like apromise ring for feet). and on a totally unrelated subject... you guys should totally check out Regina Spektor!! She's a new fav of mine and sounds alot like Joanie Mitchell from the 60's so yeah... PEACHES!!!

Indubitably

Am I the only one who has ever searched an online thesaurus for FUN. Mister Thesaurus's answer:
OK, affirmative, all right, amen, aye, certainly, definitely, even so, exactly, fine, gladly, good, good enough, granted, indubitably, just so, most assuredly, naturally, of course, okay, positively, precisely, sure thing*, surely, true, undoubtedly, unquestionably, very well, willingly, without fail, yea, yep,yes.

Oh just as well then.:)

Quizzle Dizzle

Alisha got me in the mood (that sounds naughty):

Do you ever turn your cell phone off?when im low on battery or money but usually, no.

What time did you get home the past Friday and Saturday? I don't remeber Friday so who knows:) and Saturday around Midnight.

Do you and your best friend have the same cell company? No *weeps* No ones a virgin anymore(-;

What time do you wake up when you go to school? Ughhh like 5:30.

What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? More peanut butter!

How many Advils do you take at a time? Who takes Advil anymore?? I'm a Tylonel girl!!! WOOT!

What was the last thing you put in the microwave? Ok don't laugh but... we don't have one. My mom's convinced that the mess with your brain or are radioactive or something.

Do you wear Crocs? Ick. No. GO WILLIAMSLEDD

Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood? neither, i jump in it, iv'e told you this before

What's your favorite Gatorade flavor? I haven't had Gatorade in FOREVER. I have a funny story bout that...
It was how I met one of my friends. I asked her if I could have some of her Gatorade. She said sure and right when I was in mid-drink she said "Ohhh by the way, I have mout herpies." I spit it out like all over everywhere and everyone.

What's the last movie you watched and what did you think of it? The Ruttles. And it was HILARIOUS. YOKO WAS A NAZI!!!! ahahahahahahahahahahahaha:)

Have you ever dated a guy shorter than you?Ummmm yeah but only by like 1/2 inch.

What is the last thing you touched, other than your computer? Myself. LOL Jk. Ummmm Snow. We had an Epic battle of the Snow balls, Me Alisha and her Fiancee Xander. It was AMAZING.

What's your favorite perfume? Uhhh Either Flowerbomb, Juicy Couture, or Happy by Clinique.

What's your favorite cologne on a guy?certainly not axe. it smells like the umbilicle cord of a recently born horse. (Omg that was my friend August's answer and he is TOTALLY RIGHT.)

Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone? Not at the moment.

Honestly, how many people have you had STRONG feelings for? Define strong. Because the answer is probably none.

Do you know any triplets? I used to but not currently.

What have you had to drink today? Tons o' stuff. Coffee, Izze, Juice, lemonade, orange juice, milk...

How many hours of sleep did you get last night? like three. I'm insomniatic.

Do you play Guitar Hero? No I suck :(

Do you have Justin Timberlake music on your iPod?i hope not.

Where were you on July 4th, 2007? At Fireworks with friends. We were so HIGH Lol.

Can you sleep in jeans?yes I've done it MANY times

What was the last text message you received?i dont wanna go get my phone. but it was most likely from Jan(a boy)

Describe yourself in one word? insane of maybe hippie!

Who was the last person you were in a car with that is under 20? Alisha caming back from Annie auditions!

Who sits beside you in your 3rd period class? Hope sits right behind me! and I think it's Ben to the left, and my good friend mister wall to the right.

Do you like this person? TOTALLY! SHE's da bird lady!!! We are always up to tom foolery :)

How did you do on the last test you took?swell.

Does everyone on your top friends live in the same place? But they all live in the same state!

What do you think about the last person you texted? Jan is my little polish bitch!!! No he's my bro tho!

Were you dating the last person you kissed?nope.

Where is your boyfriend tonight? Edward the Elephant is having aromp at the MAsquerade(-;

When and where was the last place you held hands?last party. faking an orgy. it didnt work. but it did for us.

Have you read "To Kill a Mockingbird"? Yup.

When was the last time you saw number 3 on your top friends? like today.

How tall is your best friend?5"5 or 5"6

Tell me a secret:no thanks.

Have you ever been called a whore?Like all the time.

Have you ever dated someone named Adam? Yus.

How many texts are in your inbox?i'm not looking.

How many will it hold?like i said.

SOME DAY I'LL STOMP ON THEY'RE FRECKLES!! I have a call back tommorow!!

A New Poem

I was really proud of myself for this one and had to put this on here. I worked really hard, the hardest I've worked on a poem in a while. And no one's seen it yet!!!! Not even Alisha, or Hope, or ANYONE! Okeydokey here goes:

The Moon and I

Endless Trees
Poison blue sky
A moonlit face
Hung way up high
We understand each other
The Moon and I

All alone
No stars around
Longingly looking
Toward the ground
We’re not so different
The Moon and I

Lonely journey
On the path oft tread
Doomed to repeat
Until we’re dead
We’re sisters
The Moon and I

Life of monotone
Purgatory
Locked in orbit
It’s the same old story
We’re tired
The Moon and I

Waves of shadow
Bringing sadness
No clouds to cover
Chained by darkness
We’re afraid
The Moon and I

The sun, boasting of his blaze
Shines at the break of noon
Happy in his ever living glory
But we sing a different tune
We envy him
The Moon and I

Blood on the horizon
In the silence of dawn
Quietly dieing
It's for the stars we long
We're Gone
The Moon an I

New Years

Okay now it's time for my reflections and thoughts on 2007 and what lies ahead:
First of all: HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!
Ok now down to buisness...
I'll be the first to admit that not everything was good about 2007. First of all BUSH WAS OUR PRESIDENT. It was a year of war, lies, and great tragedy. We countinued a war that was built on a foundation of lies. We were run by a barely competent man. We sunk lower and lower into debt. We put wound after wound in our enviorment. Carbon emmissions went up and nobody cared. The did however care about the latest publicity stunt carried through by britney or paris and nicole or lindsay.
Despite all this, I can't help but think of the good things that happened to me when I think of 2007. I think about hanging out with my friends. I think about running around barefoot. I think about the signs we put up before Christmas baring the slogan "WAR IS OVER, If You Want It, Merry Christmas." I think about the plays I was in. I think about Macalester college (one of my fav places in the world). I think about partying. I think about dancing in the rain. I think about singing in the locker rooms. I think about sleepover. I think about movie nights. I think about being happy and free. And I think 2007 was a good year. Call me blind, deaf, and dumb, but I stand by it.
I also can't help of the possibilities that lie ahead in 2008. A new president. A new plan. A new chance to fight for peace. A new time to live and love. And a whole new set of memories. As I stood in a crowded room on New Years eve, surrounded by mostly strangers and slightly tipsy, I watched the ball drop in Times Square to the sound of Imagine by John Lennon (one of my fav songs) I couldn't help but to be filled with new hope at the prospect of what lies ahead. I don't know about you, but I'm excited.

THE BIRD LADY

http://almost-too-obsessed.blogspot.com/
That's the sight of my friend Hope (aka da bird lady) so check it out she's pretty amazing
yea my new years blog comin in a min...