Incessant ramblings

I tell you I'm alive

but I'm cold as death inside

Always with the lies

there poison

I see that now

or maybe I always knew

knew what i'd become

I've got no desire left

no happiness 

no strength

yet every time I open my mouth

you believe 

you all believe

i can't stand it

and yet it is withstood

I am wired to survive

and that kinda sucks

but of course that makes no sense

to anyone but me

I need someone to know what I know 

feel what I feel

see what I see

and there is no one 

and as if that weren't enough

my mouth WILL NOT speak the words!

a few choice words

thats all i need

a few choice words....

words that will not COME!

so maybe it is not a need 

no but a hope

or the shadow of one.

HA 

now I speak of shadows

hmm this truly is a ramble.

And yet I doubt anyone will see this

and if they did 

would they care

it must seem senseless

insane even

but theres more in me

so much more 

so much I CAN NOT 

possibly right it down

maybe I am high maintenance

interesting thought

but back to the issue

or one of them I should say

there are too many

it.... it confounds me 

that I cannot speak the words

and with all the words I have too choose from!!!

Maybe the problem is...

humanity.

yes I quite like the sound of that

humanity

Yes thats right

IT'S YOUR FAULT NOW!

hmm I think I've lost

(as if I hadn't already)

What I meant by that little tirade was

that humanity sits heavily on my shoulders

Everyone has always told me

what a great gift it was;

my empathy 

But they were all wrong

brutally wrong

Wrong wrong  WRONG!

no one can understand

no one I know atleast

It just hurts SO FUCKING BAD

like I won't ever be good enough

to protect it all

yet I suffer when the world suffers

Its all kind of complicated

I wouldn't expect a SANE person

to understand

But then again how sane are any of us???